Funeral 2

The viewing the day before the funeral went so nice.  There was a lot of people that came to show support for our family.  It is so crazy to think of Cindy and her family as anything else but family.  We grew up as neighbors and we played together every day almost.  We were so close and I have always loved her and her family.  I am so thankful she is now my sister.  I would do anything for her and Chris and hate to see this happen to them.  I just still can not believe this is real and that this really happened.  It just feels like a bad dream.  I want to wake up and have it be a dream and have our little  Halle back with us.  She was such a sweet girl, so full of life and so happy.  She brought so much happiness to our family and now it is so hard to imagine that gone.  

Halle didn't really look like Halle.  She did look a little better than what she did from the accident but it still doesn't really look like her at all.  She was such a beautiful little girl and had the most amazing blue eyes.   The little kids didn't really believe it was her.  Adison keeps calling her a doll and asked why they made  a doll of Halle.  

Annette spoke at the funeral along with Ray, and my dad.  They all did such a amazing job.  They made it so it was a happy time to remember her.  Annette told so many fun stories of Halle and it really brought out her personality and her sweet spirit.  She was such a funny girl also.  They had some great funny stories of her finding her binki, walking in Kohls naked, waking up and saying ,"its coronation day!"  My dad did a great job on helping us heal and try to understand more about the atonement and where she is now.  I know that she is in the highest kingdom and that she is safe and that she is where we all need to work hard to be with her.  I Know that she is with our heavenly father who loves us.  I know that, but it is still so hard to not want her to be with our family and with parents that love her so much and treat her so well and miss her so much.  It is just hard to handle.  Ray talked about how Halle was a miracle baby.  Cindy was not suppose to be able to have Halle.  She was told she could die if she had a baby.  After Cindy had Tessa she was sick for a long time and the found out three months later that her appendices had burst and that her uterus saved her life.  It want around it and protected her from it going into the rest of her body.  But it also was like a glue and glued her insides together. they said it could tear if she was to have another baby.  But Cindy took a huge risk, she risked her own life to have Halle.  Everything went great and Halle was a healthy little baby.  

My mom bought balloons and gave them to all that wanted them.  It was such a great idea and helped us feel a little better. We tied cute cards on them that said, "in memory of Halle spread some happiness today."  We let go of all the balloons and watched them dance away in the sky.  It was neat how they really did dance.  Tessa had a pink balloon for her sister and it was always the highest in the sky.  Cory had also arranged for five airplanes to fly over in the shape of a heart... there may have been more planes I can't remember but it was neat.  Halle would have loved it.  

there was a beautiful dinner after for family and friends.  It was the most people I have ever seen go to a dinner or a funeral.  There was so many people to support them.  All of Chris's friends from high school came and were so good to have there for support.  

I am still just so sick about this little girl being taken way to soon.  Being taken away from such amazing people that I feel should never have to feel this pain.  I wish I could do something to help them but I know there is nothing anyone can do to make them feel better.  I have been struggling myself and can not snap out of it.  I try so hard to feel happy and don't understand why I still just want to cry, and lay in my bed.  I have been so depressed and can not shake it.  I look at my kids and just feel guilt for being blessed with so much.  I look at max and just think of Halle and how they were almost the same size and the same age.  I think of the friends they could have been... so many things that are what it's.
It was so hard to go through this and then just a few weeks later I had a call from Annette.  It was a horrible call.  I was told that our family friends Brooke and Heidi Summers, and Dave and Jessie Anderson were in a airplane accident and they were all killed.  I just sunk and cried like I can not even explain.  There is a cry that you do when you are hurt beyond hurt.  You can not control the sounds you make or how you shake of what your body even does.  I have never cried or felt like this before and then to go through it again so soon after losing Halle was unreal.  I had to talk to my friend Shalee and we both just cried on the phone.  There was really nothing to even say but I just couldn't stop crying to get any words out.  Brooke and Heidi had four kids and Dave and Jessie had three.  It has been a mess for them to find out who is going to take care of the kids and it is so hard for both family's to let them go.  With so many bad things that are going on I just feel like our world is just being shaken and torn apart.  It is so hard to understand.  I am so thankful for the gospel and for the knowledge we have.  I always thought I would be ok and understand more of the plan... but when it is someone you love so much it isn't just easy to so that and have it feel ok even when you know it.